On Saturday, I sold some baby furniture to a friend from school. The biggest piece was the crib. When I went to take it apart I thought, “I should get them the manual, that would be helpful.” So I went to the drawer in the guest bedroom where Jared had all the manuals for everything we ever bought (or were given) neatly stacked. There was one in there for every single baby product (and other appliance/gadget) you could imagine…except the crib. “That’s strange,” I thought. So I looked through them again. It was missing. Ugh. I must have been the one to open the crib and lose the manual somehow. Figures. So, I went back to taking apart the crib. Surprisingly easy by the way. When it was down to a few moveable pieces, and we lifted up the bottom, there was a ziploc bag wedged in and taped down there with the manual inside and a few extra screws…probably from when we moved in November 2006. It was definitely not my organization that was responsible for that. Jared had taped it there so whoever helped us move it and put it back together would have what they needed. I just had to smile.
Also smiled when Ohio State beat Navy.
Tonight we had “back to school barber shop” in the kitchen. The boys aren’t super fond of haircuts but with some help from my mom with Noah, and holding the threat of the electric clippers over Caleb, I managed two pretty nice scissor haircuts for squirmy boys. Only cut myself twice, in the usual places, seems unavoidable =) When I was setting things up, I went downstairs to get the clippers. (Last time I used the clippers for the back of Caleb’s hair. He hated it so much that once I put them away, he let me finish the whole thing very peacefully with scissors. So today the clippers were just for show.) But I couldn’t find them. They weren’t in their usual place, Jared’s usual place for them. So I looked all over, annoyed at myself for not putting things back where they belong. And then my mom spotted them…right where they were supposed to be, just behind a few things. I was pleasantly surprised. “See Jared,” I thought, “I can learn to put things away too.” =)
I’ve thought about Jared a lot this summer. More than I have for a long time…maybe since right after he died. There are many reasons for that I’m sure. But one reason I think is that I’m beginning to emerge from survival mode. With lots of help and God’s grace, I made it through losing my husband to a terrible disease and now have lived a year and a half of life and all that it entails, without him. Initially, I spent a lot of time wishing I weren’t in this situation. But now I’m more ready to just be where I am. Eventually, life needs to be about more than just surviving.
So, it’s back to school now…in about 8 hours, actually. I’m excited about it, very much looking forward to working with colleagues and my students again. I thought I should post now, before things get too busy. For pictures of our summer adventures and the boys’ haircuts look me up on facebook =)